5 Ways Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners
“Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be deeply frustrating and distressing. In their quest for control and admiration, narcissistic people may manipulate and exploit others, damaging their self-esteem and even aiming to alter their sense of reality. ”
Narcissists are self loathing, vulnerable individuals. They can’t stand to be alone with their own thoughts and need the constant attention and admiration from others to feel good about themselves. While they constantly seek admiration for their well being, they emotionally abuse and manipulate their partners to conform to what they want.
Here a five tactics narcissists employ to manipulate their victims
1. Blame Shifting
Narcissists love to shift the blame when they are being held accountable for hurting your feelings. They shift the focus from themselves and change the subject to something you did to them in the past or some imperfection you have. This tactic then forces you to question your contribution to causing this problem ultimately having you take an unnecessary amount of responsibility for something you actually did not do. It is masterful deflection they have turned into a well-honed skill.
2. Invoking Emotion
Narcissists use emotion to hijack your empathy. They will manufacture elaborate heartfelt stories of how someone in their past or present wronged them, used them or harmed them. They will often use tears and a solemn tone to further invoke your empathy for their predicament. No one cries faster than a narcissist trying to manipulate someone into doing something they want. Invoking that emotion plants them firmly as a victim in the eyes of the empathetic witness and removes any question or challenge of their part in the story.
3. Excessive Criticism
Everything the narcissist loved about you during the “love bombing” or courting phase of the relationship is an issue now that you are a couple. The independence that they loved and admired is now a pain point for the narcissist to criticize. The criticism becomes frequent and a consistent reaction to situations where there is a disagreement. Your qualities that were once adored or accepted are now flaws that impact their lives to the point where they have to constantly remind you of your issues. Thus, they rise higher as you sink lower and in that elevated state, they can do no wrong.
4. Repetitive Statements
The narcissist will push your boundaries to get you to see things their way by using repetitive statements such as, “I don’t understand why you can’t do this?” Regardless of how many times and ways of explaining why you won’t or can’t do something, they refuse to listen. You eventually give into their point of view just to stop the verbal attacks. That acquienesene becomes the lynchpin to controlling you. They now have the power to essentially beat you down into doing what they want just to keep the peace.
5. Guilt Tripping
The narcissist will make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with friends and family or have “me” time. Things such as getting your hair or nails done, going to lunch with a friend, or getting a massage will be seen as “cheating” with someone else or being a neglectful wife or mother for wanting a life outside of your relationship. This guilt is designed to do one thing and one thing only — force you to essentially give up any sense of self and do everything for this person (first out of love and now out of guilt). This tactic allows the narcissist to define and place value on you rather than you having your own sense of self worth.
Narcissists are notorious for emotionally beating their partners down through coercive control tactics used to make their partners comply with what they want. When combined, these five manipulation tactics of a narcissist make for a powerful and effective strategy that they will apply again and again. The challenge for you is to recognize these five tactics and take action. It will not be easy but it is worth the effort.
Alana Sharps is a Certified High Conflict Divorce and Child Custody Consultant and Best Selling Author. She provides emotional and strategic support to survivors of emotional abuse while coaching them through their journey to self empowerment. Learn more about Alana and her best selling book via her website.
